已领科普：Therightwaytoaskforhelp

　　标题：Therightwaytoaskforhelp
　　作者：Psychologies
　　原文链接：https：www。psychologies。co。ukrightwayaskhelp
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　　Researchshowsthatlearningtoaskforhelpcandowondersforourwellbeing。SelfconfessedaskingphobicKatyRegandecidesitistimetochange
　　Confession：IIhateaskingforpeople’stime，formoney，forfavoursorbabysittersorlifts。Mostimportantly，andperhapstellingly，Ihateaskingforemotionalhelp。IcouldcountononehandthenumberoftimesI’vecalledafriendintearsandaskedforadvice，orevenjustasoothingear。
　　AndyetI’velostcountofthenumberoftimesI’veansweredsuchcalls。Withtheexceptionofoneortwoemotionalvampires，I’vebeendelightedtohelp，andflatteredthattheythoughttheycouldcountonmesowhydoesn’titworktheotherwayround？
　　PsychologistCorinneSweetbelievesit’sdowntoyourupbringing。‘Ifyoucomefromabackgroundwhereyouarepunishedforasking，you’releftwithafeelingthatit’sbad，’shesays。‘Childrenwhohavebeenforcedintoprematureselfsufficiencysayiftheirparentswerealwaysverybusyorbelittledforbeingneedy，alsofindithard。It’sdowntoafearofbeingvulnerable。ThatBritish“stiffupperlip”。’
　　AmandaPalmer，singerandpianistwithAmericanrockbandTheDresdenDollsandauthorofanewbook，TheArtOfAsking（partmemoirabouthowlearningtoaskchangedherlifeandpartmanifestoaboutthepowersofaskingandgiving）wasalso，once，chronicallyaskaverse。
　　Thingschangedwhen，wantingtofundhermusic，shebeganworkingasastreetstatuedubbed‘TheEightFootBride’forwhichshedonnedabridalgown，paintedherselfwhiteandstoodstillonaboxonthestreetsofBoston，peoplewouldgiveheradollarforamomentofhumaninteraction。Itturnedouttobeaneducationintheartofaskingandmoreimportantly，in‘beinghuman’。
　　‘There’ssomethingaboutstandingonaboxasaneightfoottallbridethatmeansyou’reatthemercyofhumanityandyoulearnsomuch，’shesays。‘Inparticular，thatdirectconnection（theeyecontact，theflowersheofferedpeoplewhostopped），comesfromasking，andviceversa。It’saboutseeingpeopledifferent，shepointsout，tojustlookingatpeople。‘Whenpeoplefeel“seen”andconnected，theywanttohelpyou，becausetheycareaboutyou。’
　　Sohowdoweovercomeanaversiontoasking？
　　DOtry‘MaximumDIY’。Withthis，theemphasisisoncollectivismyouthrowtheproblemouttocirclesandseewhatsolutionscomeback。‘MinimumDIY’iswhenyoutryanddoeverythingyourselfusuallyarecipeforresentment。
　　DOtrustthepersonyou’reasking。‘Whenyouacceptsomeone’sofferoffood，moneyorlove，youhavetotrustthehelpoffered，’saysAmandaPalmer。Don’tgointhedoorwithyourguardup。
　　DOaskyourpartnerforwhatyouneed。CorinneSweetbelievesthatthisisthebasisofaloving，healthyrelationship：‘Mostofusthinktheotherpersonshouldreadourminds，butit’youhavetoaskforwhatyouneedandexpecttheotherpersontodothesame。’
　　DONTaskwithshame。Askingwithshamesays，‘Youhavethepoweroverme，’whereasaskingwithcondescensionsays，‘Ihavethepoweroveryou’。Whatyouwantisaskingwithgratitude，whichsays，‘Wehavethepowertohelpeachother。’
　　DONTpointscore。‘Sheaskedmeforthissonowit’smyturntoask’。Theuniversedoesn’tworklikethat。
　　DONTforgetgratitude。Inthisparticularemotionalcurrency，ithasthehighestvalue。